Things I hate: Job Interviews

If I had aspirations to be a beggar for a living, I would have bought a trilby and an acoustic guitar, but thankfully, I can find the same level of indignation by going to a job interview. IT starts with having to be willing to take a shower and put on jeans before ten.  This is usually the part where I panic- probably because I overslept.  Part of it is the fear that I won't be able to drink an extra cup of coffee before I go.

Then, in the ensuing vortex of clothes, cleanliness, and misplaced terror, I start panicking about being late for the bus. I don't run there. I don't want my clothes to get sweaty, so I just power walk with a terrified expression on my face all the way to the bus stop. If you ever want to feel helpless, I highly recommend a suit you can't afford to have cleaned.

When I get on the bus or keep walking, I start to calm down as I begin to have illusions of power over the hiring managers- so much that they have no choice but to crawl up on the table in blind admiration of my skillful resume writing that completely makes up for my lack of social skills

Of course, when I finally get to the interview, reality sets in as I sheepishly hand over my resume between lapses of painfully forced small talk.

Then I have to wait. I know they won't call back though.